Chapter childhood: Childhood | Long Questions

The structure of the poem reflects a deep internal search for the lost essence of childhood. In the first three stanzas, the poet repeatedly asks 'When did my childhood go?', focusing on specific timeframes and logical milestones like turning eleven or discovering adult hypocrisy. He is trying to pin down a chronological moment when his innocence vanished. However, in the final stanza, the question changes to 'Where did my childhood go?'. This shift indicates a realization that the loss of childhood is not just a matter of time but a change in state of being. He concludes that it has gone to a 'forgotten place' hidden in an infant's face. This shift suggests that while we can identify the moments we gained logic or individuality, the purity of childhood itself is something that moves on to the next generation, remaining elusive and unreachable for adults.

The phrase 'my mind was really mine' refers to the attainment of individuality and intellectual independence. As a child, a person is often influenced by the thoughts, opinions, and instructions of parents, teachers, and society. However, the poet realizes that growing up involves the ability to produce thoughts that are entirely his own and not just reflections of other people's views. This stage is crucial because it represents the birth of the self. By choosing his own path and using his mind whichever way he chooses, the poet asserts his autonomy. This independence is a double-edged sword; while it empowers the individual to be unique and self-reliant, it also separates them from the collective, protected world of childhood where one's thoughts are guided by others. It signifies the end of the impressionable stage of life and the beginning of a self-defined existence.

After examining various stages of his life, the poet concludes that his childhood is not something he can get back. He realizes it has retreated to a 'forgotten place' that is 'hidden in an infant's face'. This imagery is very powerful because it suggests that innocence is synonymous with infancy. A baby’s face represents a state of being that is free from ego, hypocrisy, and the burdens of logic. By saying it is 'forgotten', the poet implies that as we acquire knowledge and experience, we lose the ability to see the world with the same purity we once had. We cannot remember what it truly felt like to be that innocent because our minds are now cluttered with adult complexities. The poet accepts that his childhood survives only in the new life of others, highlighting the cyclical yet transient nature of human innocence.